Three Bear Flair

On a sunny afternoon, I had the foresight to photograph these bear friends together. They are all dispersed into the four winds now, so I am glad I have the evidence that they once lived under the same roof.

I was talking to Gary about these photographs and he asked me what I liked about them. I mused for a long time but the thought finally came to me that I liked seeing the collection of work together. When I see them in a group I remember how the creation of each bear naturally led to the creation of the next. Each creative product, simply put, is the result of lots and lots of decisions to convey a certain theme all coming together to form a final idea and image.

When I would make the decision to use black wool, in my mind I would often think; but what if I made the exact same thing in white or blue or green or pink? If I made the design decision to make it in say, pink, what impact would that have on the idea I am trying to convey? Maybe black is the right decision for this idea but the same piece in pink may generate a whole other idea, a piece apart. I find this happens to me all the time and it is why I so rarely make only one of something.

As soon as I make a definite decision in the making of a piece, all the alternatives are sitting there, looking up at me and crying out to be used or explored in a different way.

So here are three examples of different design decisions made, each one leading neatly into the next. A bad bear with dark wool, questionable morals and jagged teeth lead to the idea of a different perspective. I want to make something that is about the positive, the warm and the inviting, things about me made in a bigger scale and in a brighter colour. This then leads to questions about size and making things smaller and more compact. Also, the two gone before were explored through masculine form, what would it look like to me when they are in feminine form? What do I want my femininity to represent? I do believe it would go on like this forever if life did not interrupt with commissions, external inspirations in many different guises and the small matter of earning a living.

When I see them all together I see a family, a context, a place where they are part of something bigger and they are relatable to each other.  But in the same view it also allows you to see the obvious differences between them, it highlights their individuality and their separate messages or themes. They contrast with each other and yet are familiar so you can feel comfortable exploring their world. A language is developed in which you can rest in and absorb their information without being constantly jarred by ever changing images that bear no relation to each other.

I have created my own personal playground and I can play, create, say, sing and do what I like within it. The bears are the product of this experimental world and they become real and valuable expressions of the things I learn about myself as I play in this special place.

A Large Personality on a Miniature Scale

YAWN and STRETCH! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Well, I’m back. I would love to say that I was off in a distant land sunning myself or picking through treasures at a Parisian flea market but, alas, I was just at home. Even though my break wasn’t exotic, it was certainly lovely and needed. The sight and smell of an airport would have done me in, I think, so resting at home was just what the doctor ordered. I was so exhausted even my little toes were tired.

We raided the library for books and films and tried to give ourselves the permission to actually look at them (the DVDs) and read them (the books). I poured all my creative energy into baking- art you can eat. Yay! Home-made banana pancakes for breakfast, now that is good living. The May sunshine streamed down into our back garden yesterday. I pulled open our back door, sat down, put my feet up and finished my book. Gary cooked dinner and brought me a cold drink. I am a very lucky girl. It was the perfect end to a much needed break. That may just have been our complete Irish summer so I’m glad I took the time to enjoy it.

So without complaint, I return to the documenting of my art work. I have decided to take up where I left off before my holiday. Bears! Yes, more bears, they just keep coming out of the woodwork. This little bear is called Cameo. I say little bear because I was experimenting with scale when I made her. I do seem to have a fascination with scale that emerges not consciously but rather organically as I work. I think it happens very naturally when knitting because, as I described before, just by changing the needle size and the thickness of the wool the same pattern can be transformed in many different ways. Sometimes the experimentation is a disaster in this regard but the fun is watching something develop. A lot of the time I will end up laughing at some oversized floppy creation that has appeared as I knit NOT using the pattern guidelines. But when it does work out it can be kind of magical.

My interest in scale has always been present I think. I like to draw small things large and large things small. I love exaggerating details until the object I am drawing is nearly unrecognisable to its original form. In the opposite way, I love anything miniature. I think that started with my obsession with Sylvanian families when I was a little girl. Oh my goodness, how I loved my Sylvanian families. I played for hours with these tiny animals and their accessories. My mother minded one of our neighbour’s children when we were young. He accidently knocked my Sylvanian Windmill off the kitchen counter one day and broke the sails off the front of it. My mam glued it back into place but they never moved again. My heart was broken like my beloved toy. As you can tell, I never forgave him and I’m still not over it.

When I visited Bath last September, their museums were full of miniature portraiture and objects. I found it so inspiring; I came back full of ideas and reinvigorated about my craft. This bears name ‘Cameo’ is a nod to that type of Victorian and Edwardian decoration: miniature, petite and perfect.

After making Theobold and Oliver I wanted to make a more feminine bear. I didn’t want to make her pretty and pink though. I was never a very ‘pink’ girl growing up and was always drawn to an alternative world rather than a conventional one. Being ‘arty’, I did experiment a lot with my clothes and my make-up, especially after entering Art College. In doing that, I have found you do leave yourself open to people commenting on your unusual tastes. Sometimes it’s complimentary and sometimes it can be offensive. Being ‘different’ can be difficult but I found in the end it was easier to be myself, with the mean-spirited comments included, rather than trying to be what I thought other people wanted me to be and feeling like a fraud on the inside. I tried very hard to fit in when I was a teenager, like a lot of people, but for me, I found it nearly impossible to blend in and be like everybody else.

It’s hard to explain but it felt imperative that my individuality be expressed. The ‘trying to blend in’ was a massive effort and I was so worn out with making that effort that I was never very convincing anyway. I eventually gave up and gave in to my inner need and I have been that way ever since.

I embroidered “An Out There Kind of Bear” on to a heart shaped top for Cameo. I have never wanted to stand out or to be ‘different’ on purpose. I have only ever wanted to try to be myself as this has been the balm to most of my ailments. But I have found pursuing my individuality essentially makes you put the spot-light on the things that are special or specific about you. Cameo does not represent a purposeful prodding at convention but rather a self acceptance of individual differences. I am out-there not because I wear bright turquoise eye shadow or pierce my lip. I am out-there because I strive to be myself and sometimes that seems like the most radical act of all.    

A Growing Family

Oliver, whom I showed you yesterday, was a big hit when he was finished. People really seemed to like his warm demeanour and his inviting smile. As with a lot of my other work, I was very fortunate to get commissions for more bears after I had developed a range of my own design. Again I was in the business of customising my creations for children and adults alike.

When I was making Oliver I had bought a tiny baby grow. I cut and chopped it to fit his body. I sewed a new hem and neck line and added the slogan with a felt patch I had embroidered. For this guy, I found a toy waistcoat and scarf pattern in one of my knitting books. I feel all these extra details can really help to build up a character for each individual bear.

I have found a strange but good thing when making these bears. Even a small adjustment in the weight of wool I am using or a new texture leads to each bear taking on a slightly different shape and size. They develop in their own way which strengthens their individual look.

I can add to these differences by where I position their ears, the thickness or thinness of their limbs and the buttons I choose for their eyes. Their expressions develop as I sew each stitch in place and before you know it you have a new bear before you.

When creating each new personality I try to think what I would like to infuse into his/her character. Sometimes I am trying to convey something I have learned and I have been moved to communicate it, like in the case of Oliver. With Theobold I wanted to show his boldness and I wanted to be bold myself by making something that was difficult and unsavoury in spirit. If I am making a toy for a child I think about playfulness, friendship and love. When I am making a bear for an adult I will think about comfort and a reconnection with innocence.

I have found by thinking about and concentrating on these things and also the person the piece is intended for, a kind of layman’s magic occurs. The expression of my intentions tends to appear on the bears face as I sew it and when people hold the bears and encounter them, they more often then not will declare the feelings I had been focusing on when making it. It is a wonderful process to behold and it says to me, you don’t always have to say how you are feeling, sometimes you can just show it.  

How NOT to be Cool in a Modern Era, a Personal Story of Letting Go

I would like you to meet Oliver. He is a benevolent bear: benevolent meaning humane, compassionate, kind-hearted and tender. Obviously the idea of making a ‘good’ bear had not left me after the completion of the terrible Theobold (see my post He is Not a Tame Bear for further details). But I have to say that the true idea behind his creation was sparked by a book Gary brought home from work one day. The book is called “Ways of Seeing” by John Berger. It was originally a four-part television series made for the BBC in 1972. John Berger then created this book with his producer Mike Dibb and also Sven Blomberg, Chris Fox and Richard Hollis.

I have decided I will share the book and series with you in a more in-depth way in my *Recommends* blog in the future. The book contains seven essays and for now, I would like to discuss the impact that one of the seven essays had on me. When I read back over the essay now it is not even the main theme of the piece that really sparked something in me; it was a point that the author made about glamour that really stuck in my head and changed the way I see things.

The essay I am writing about is about many things but publicity is at the heart of it with themes of modern technological advances, oil painting and the impact that ideological images have on us as they surround us and saturate our environments. It speaks about how the publicity machines sell us not products, but the dream of a future happier self with all the money, possessions and companionship that a person could want or need.

“Publicity persuades us of such a transformation by showing us people who have apparently been transformed and are, as a result, enviable. The state of being envied is what constitutes glamour. And publicity is the process of manufacturing glamour.”

The glamorising of this future self leaves us feeling dissatisfied with our present selves and so, we must start striving to buy and acquire all the products that the dream machine sell to us as the cure to our present dissatisfied and unsatisfactory state.

Berger also shares his belief that publicity preys on our fears and targets our anxieties, making its presence in our lives not a benign force but something that actively plays a role in our decision making and the development of our culture. This is quite a crude outline of all that is contained in the essay, the writing itself is beautifully interwoven with art history, political implications and thought provoking imagery. I highly recommend you check it out for yourself.

“Glamour cannot exist without personal social envy being a common and widespread emotion. The industrial society which has moved towards democracy and then stopped half way is the ideal society for generating such an emotion. The pursuit of individual happiness has been acknowledged as a universal right. Yet the existing social conditions make the individual feel powerless. He lives in the contradiction between what he is and what he would like to be. Either he then becomes fully conscious of the contradiction and its causes, and so joins the political struggle for a full democracy which entails, amongst other thing, the overthrow of capitalism; or else he lives, continually subject to an envy which, compounded with his sense of powerlessness, dissolves into recurrent day-dreams.”

There is one main paragraph in the essay that really influenced a thought pattern in my mind and which then led me to make this bear. Let me share it with you.

“Being envied is a solitary form of reassurance. It depends precisely upon not sharing your experience with those who envy you. You are observed with interest but you do not observe with interest - if you do, you will become less enviable. In this respect the envied are like bureaucrats; the more impersonal they are, the greater the illusion (for themselves and for others) of their power. The power of the glamorous resides in their supposed happiness: the power of the bureaucrat in his supposed authority. It is this which explains the absent, unfocused look of so many glamour images. They look out over the looks of envy which sustain them.”

When I read this small grouping of words it seemed to me that they were lit up on the page, highlighting its message and it called out like an invitation to a new world. It said to me, in such a clear and straight forward manner, a truth that I felt in my guts.

As I read the paragraph for the third time I replaced the word ‘glamour’ with the word ‘cool’. I felt from my own life experience the absence of being the ‘cool kid’. Art College was an amazing experience for me but there is an aspect of it that I never really participated in. I feel I struggled in a social sense, I never felt like I had the coolest clothes, the best taste in music or that I had any edge. I have never been a drinker or a drug taker and I have found it hard to go with the flow. I was a hard worker, an enthusiastic learner and I also had high and low moods that needed constant attendance. I have always been a person of extremes but I think my extremes are definitely of the un-cool variety, there is very little glamour with them.

The idea this paragraph presented to me was that ‘glamour’ or ‘cool’ was something that was constructed to aid a very specific goal that actually bore no relation to my well being and more than likely would be unable to deliver on any of its thin promises.

It said to me that being ‘cool’ or ‘glamorous’ was a tactic created to bring power and control to a certain group of people and if you were willing to learn the ways of it and take action, you too could have the power of cool and glamour on your side. It is not something you are born with, it is not something special about you, it is just the manipulation of factors with a more or less guaranteed outcome that has been observed and harnessed for the purposes of selling perfume, lipstick and really expensive cars.

I felt the actions I would need to take in order to obtain this kind of glamour were the opposite of most of the things I was striving for in my life. The line “You are observed with interest but you do not observe with interest” jumped off the page. I thought how sad it would be to appear disinterested in everyone and everything in order to maintain a façade of superiority. You could not let anyone get to know you because if they begin to relate to you, you become less fictionalised and therefore more real, with problems, imperfect skin and ailing relations like everybody else. The glamour story sells us about a world where none of those things occur anymore. Super models don’t have split ends and aunts with breast cancer. They wear bikinis all year round and their only care is where the next martini is coming from, they don’t have emotional needs and they definitely don’t nag.

I feel I have been striving for perfection my whole life. I have a long held belief that I am unsatisfactory. I do believe the constant stream of overtly sexualised images of women, long shimmering legs, flat stomachs and prancing smiling girls has impacted on this expectation of myself. You don’t have to agree with me, it is my belief. I think women are constantly sold the idea of physical happiness through a specific body type that will equal life happiness and life fulfilment. I believed for a long time in my teens and early twenties that being thin would solve all my problems. I swallowed the lie and chased the dream.

After a lot of work on myself I have come to realise that that old story is just that, a story and that dream will never be fulfilled. Not that I can’t lose weight, no, that the losing of weight will answer the question of life happiness. It is a hard dream to let go of, it is all encompassing and simple. One answer to a million questions; Brilliant! But I have known too many beautiful, kind and intelligent women who have suffered with eating disorders and have been distressed by image problems to have much faith in that dream any more.

So let me come to Oliver. Oliver has a loving, warm smile on his face. On his t-shirt I have embroidered the slogan “Too Warm to be Cool”. This just about sums me up. I have tried to be kind, understanding and compassionate for most of my life. I have great interests in many things and I love sharing these interests with other people. My enthusiasm bubbles over when I see a good film or I read an excellent book. The thought of having to keep that to myself, to hide my excitement about life when I find it, to have to “…look out over the looks of envy which sustain them” in order to be thought to be ‘cool’ or ‘glamorous’ is just not worth it to me.

The day I read that essay is the day I let go of chasing the idea of COOL. Now that really is Brilliant! I don’t mean to imply that now I am magically fixed so that I don’t care how I look or how I am perceived. I think I have just let go of the one big answer and have started to pursue the millions of individual answers to life’s questions. What makes me happy? How do I accept myself as I am? What will I make? What do I want to say? The list goes on and on as does the work to answer these questions. I do know that I have warm blushed cheeks, a warm heart and warm ideas. I have set coolness and its cold ways aside. I could learn to be cool and it might come in handy along the way. But for today I will bask in the warmth of a perfectly imperfect self.

Let’s get to the Heart of the Matter- A Little Extra

Over the weekend, as I was going through some of my photograph files on the computer, I found these images. I knew I had taken photos of this heart talisman in its final incarnation but couldn’t find them in my work folder. They were hiding away in a public file but the up side is I get to share them with you now to complete the visual story of this art piece.

As I said in my Let's get to the Heart of the Matter post, I suspended the talisman in the jar so that it could be contained and displayed. The glass jar gives it some protection but also allows it to be moved or positioned in different places.

Aesthetically, I have always been fond of old-fashioned bell jars as a means of display. They seem to single out certain objects as special, worthy of protection and also to draw the eye to something that might be valuable to observe closely. These art objects suspended in glass jars like the Fat Bees or indeed, the turquoise sea horse are my version of a bell jar. They remind me of how I used to store my childhood treasures like tadpoles, pocket money or colourful plastic jewellery. These transparent receptacles are strong but are also fragile and need to be cared for. They hold a window into beauty and protect their contents without completely withholding them from the world.     

He is Not a Tame Bear

Last week I shared my Bad Bear family with you. The final addition to the dysfunctional bunch is a bear called Theobold. I had the idea to make a BB in a larger size. I had been knitting the tea cosies for some time and I also had been experimenting with other patterns. So I thought, rather than make a larger version out of felt I would have a go at knitting one.

As with SomeBunny, I adapted a knitting pattern for a small basic doll. I made the arms and legs thicker and a little longer. I made up a pattern for his ears and knit everything except his face and his paws using one strand of normal wool and one strand of the textured hairy wool I had also used for the Snugs. This turned out to be a really good rendering of a teddy bears fur and helped to make him soft and appealing.

When the bear’s body was knitted, stuffed and sewn, I had before me, a prepared blank canvas to transform into the personality and characteristics of the Bad Bear family lineage. When I set out to make him I was determined to make a mean bear, a real curmudgeon if ever there was one. But when I saw the finished form, all plump and furry with long dangling limbs and pointy ears, I began to have second thoughts. Wouldn’t it be nicer to have a good bear, a friendly bear or a wholesome bear?? Was it time to put these so-called BAD bears aside and embrace something more positive?

Well, the answer is clearly NO! I decided there were plenty of ‘good’ bears out there and I wanted to finish what I had started by creating a soft toy that wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

To me, Theobold seems to be a young Bad Bear. He is still a little fresh-faced. He is lacking any physical scars or patching up that is evident on some of the other bears’ faces and bodies. He has two button eyes, one bigger than the other to show he is a bit off-beat. He has a crooked mouth full of pointy teeth and flushed red cheeks that show he has just been up to no good. He has a furrowed brow that is contemplating his next move but I don’t think he is always a big thinker. I think he is more impulsive and spontaneous than some of the big-wigs in the Bad Bear crew; think henchman rather Don.

 Even with all his misgivings I still think he is pretty cute. If you were playing a game of cops and robbers I think he would make an excellent villain or if you were going on a mysterious journey he could turn up as the lovable rogue turned back-stabbing pirate. At the end of the day, I think you could give him a hug but he might forget himself and try to bite you. Life is full of complexity after all.

So here he is; raucous and belligerent, wild and wilful, an unbearably BAD bear. I don’t think he does his homework, I don’t think he does what he is told and he is very, very unreasonable. If your child picked him up somewhere and he has come into your home, I would say watch out for this mischievous mite. The next time you find your favourite vase smashed on the ground and your child says with big innocent eyes “Theobold did it!” trust those eyes. There is no knowing what he will be up to next.     

The Key to Getting to Market on Time is......................... Part 2

Welcome Back

Gary and I have sat down many an evening at the computer designing and perfecting labels for my numerous projects. The next stage in the process is to print out and cut out a label for every single one of my freshly completed goods. I like to finish my work to a high and professional standard and the labels add the finishing touch that satisfies this standard for me. For a long time I just used a good old fashioned scissors to cut out my labels. One day I spotted a super fancy cutting device called an Xcut- Shape Cutter System in a hobby shop. I requested it as a birthday present and my good parents willingly obliged. Now I use this to help make the labelling stage a little more efficient. In a very short period of time I am surrounded by paper clippings, my single-hole punch and piles of market ready key-rings. This generally takes place the day before the market and it is all go go go until the last minute.

The second last stage in the process is my most loathed; packing. I bloody hate packing! I have to wrap everything in bubble wrap and tissue paper, put things in boxes and arrange them all in the giant suitcase I take with me to markets. I find it really stressful and all my nerves about the coming day show up as I try to organise the mess into a one-stop-shop for all my marketing needs. I get snippy and worried about all the details. Do I have enough stock? Did I remember to bring the sticky tape? Is my work any good? How many paper bags should I bring? Am I wearing any trousers? It is at this point that I think Gary would like to drown me. But he doesn’t, good man. He tells me to put down the scissors and go to bed. I resist for about ten minutes and then fall down from tiredness.

The last stage of the Bad Bear Key-rings journey is to arrive at their destination. Market day starts early. Sometimes I take the bus, suitcase in tow; on a lucky day some lovely person will be available to drive me and my wares to the market location. After finding my allocated spot, I then set about unpacking, arranging and displaying my art pieces on the table provided. I will bring tablecloths, props and different receptacles to display my work. I would sometimes do a mock-up table the day before to get a sense of how I want the finished table to look.

I feel it is very important to present your work well, so much effort has gone into getting it to this stage, it is only right that it should be shown off at its best. I feel attention to detail is key; plenty of colour and variety, well displayed prices and information and interesting or unusual set-ups always catches the eye in my experience. I will admit to having a bit of a pet peeve about poorly displayed prices at markets and in shops in general. I know it can be a sales tactic to get people to ask the cost of something in order to be able to engage with them as the customer. But having worked in retail for a good few years, I feel I just can’t employ such devices to get sales. I prefer for someone to buy something if they really want it, know they can afford it and don’t feel pressurised into the purchase. Strong feelings! Me?? Never!

Anyway…….. The final thing to do is smooth the tablecloth for the umpteenth time, straighten yourself out and sit behind your (hopefully) beautiful table and…….RELAX. Take a deep breath and take in your surroundings. The day is about to begin and the market is just about to open. There is no knowing how the day will unfold but I always feel I am glad I have taken the risk to be the person behind the table, proudly declaring that “Yes, I made all this myself”.